Self Discovery, Yoga

My Practice Has 12 Seasons…

Give or take. Once a month I hit the funk.

funk1

[fuhngk]
noun
1.

cowering fear; state of great fright or terror.
2.

a dejected mood:

He’s been in a funk ever since she walked out on him.
verb (used with object)
3.

to be afraid of.
Definition courtesy of dictionary.com. I tend to favor the second definition and here is my twist on it:
Lauren’s Funk
[bleeeehhhhhhh]
noun
1. loss of motivation, overly sensitive/emotional. Prone to crying fits.
I don’t wanna
This usually lasts for about two weeks, during which I don’t want to do any yoga (physically) but my mind tends to run wild with a myriad of ideas and philosophies.
The other day I had a spark of inspiration to DO SOMETHING with this mental yoga. I started researching yamas and niyamas (the try to and try not to’s of the yogic philosophy) and creating/manifesting my personal style of yoga.
This was a huge step for me and the funk. Usually I would just have all of these ideas and carry on with a woe-is-me attitude. Nothing would get done and I wouldn’t grow.
But now I hope to hone into these moments of mental yoga.
Maybe the funk I endure every month doesn’t have to be a bad thing. I believe its my body telling me that it’s time to move inward.
Yoga isn’t all physical. Life follows that same system.
LIFE is more than DOING.
It’s being, feeling, thinking, aspiring, inspiring, etc.
So where does this all stem from?
I’ve been really thinking about why I do or don’t do certain things. For example, do you ever see something: a painting, a book, a dancer, etc, and think, I wish I could do that! 
But when you actually sit down to do it, it never works out right.
That’s because we are trying to imitate others. We’re not trusting ourselves to do it OUR WAY.
For the past couple of weeks I have been trying to find a style of yoga, a particular yogi, or a yogic philosophy that has something to do with empowerment. But I didn’t like what I was finding. A lot of it was women empowerment (I’m a woman but do I really just want to empower women?). I also found a lot of information about the solar plexus chakra, which is located at our bellies. It’s responsible for getting our butts into action and DOING what we are motivated to do. But that was just a single piece.
All of the information I found wasn’t cutting it. It either didn’t match what I was looking for or it didn’t mesh with the idea/philosophy going on inside of my head.
Why?
I was looking for something that I already had.
I’m not going to find anything that will be exactly what I’m looking for when trying to manifest my style of yoga. I was trying to imitate others when what I really wanted and needed to do was just trust what I already knew and build it from scratch.
Scary. As. Fuck.
But I truly believe that it is something that I have to do. If not something for my future students, than for my own personal yoga practice.
So here I am, making lists of everything I can think of when Empowerment comes to mind.
I made lists of yoga poses that invite confidence, make me feel strong, and of course empowered.
I made lists of musical artists that scream empowerment, motivation, and mirror my soul.
I wrote down words that I wanted to manifest in people when they follow my practice – determination, strength, genuine, authentic, real, truth, power, triumph, beauty, trust…
Of course this is still a baby thought. I’m still putting the pieces together and learning as I go. A lot of it has to do with self-discovery and trusting that what I believe is my truth.
I’ve been catching myself wondering what others would think about some of my beliefs and telling myself that it really isn’t any of my business.
As long as I am happy, I am doing good, I am spreading God’s love, I am seeking to help others, than what I believe is perfect. I am doing nothing wrong.
Its taken me a while to realize that but sometime the hard lessons take years.
Sorry not sorry that this post was full of tangents but that’s what you get when you read my practice.
Life isn’t a straight line. It isn’t even a circle. Stop trying to plan it all out and just go with the flow. Yes, Tim, my lovely fiancé is probably going to give me a look at that statement because I am the queen of planning and over planning, but I’m aloud to make mistakes and try to fix them ❤ 😉
Namaste

 

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Self Discovery, Yoga

Nah Imma Stay Right Here

Mermaid Pose
One of the poses from my first Instagram Yoga Challenge

Holy crap I can’t believe that I have TWO WEEKS left in my Yoga Teacher Training. Where the hell has the time gone?

I just finished my monthly weekend of training this afternoon, and it was one of the best I’ve had in awhile. I say this because this round of training was the first weekend that my depression hasn’t reared it’s ugly head 🙂

Thats right! No funk I be livin’ in here and I’m so psyched. I was able to soak up so much of the super yummy goodness that this weekend, both in and outside of training, had to offer.

Friday night I was mega hyper and became a sponge as we discussed Yin Yoga and the 25 various asanas. Normally I would be exhausted from working all day and just wanting to learn about a different topic entirely that I was curious about.

Saturday we learned about the icky, scary, business side of being a yoga teacher. Not gonna lie, it almost dulled my shine a bit (remembering back to my days as a Beachbody coach and being a slave to social media), but that shine quickly returned when I taught a class that afternoon. And the best part was that I got to hold a precious lil baby!

I can’t believe how much I LOVE teaching.

First Class
The first REAL yoga class I taught

When I first went into this training, I had no intention what-so-ever to teach yoga. I simply wanted to deepen my practice and have some sort of “faith” to hold onto. Expecting the philosophy and lifestyle of yoga to become my religion, I was definitely surprised when I fell in love with the Roman Catholic tradition and found God again.

But one of the many epiphany weekends that happened during this training opened my eyes to the desire to teach yoga, and the many possibilities that this road will take me.

And this morning was absolutely wonderful when my Yoga Sister Patti taught her power yoga inspired class that just lifted me up so high, that tears filled my eyes at random moments during her practice. It was so empowering, inspiring, and it made me FEEL beautiful! OMG I can’t wait to take her class!!!!

I became very reflective this weekend more that most and really took a look at who I was when I first started to now.

First of all, I realize that I actually have a personal yoga practice. I always pressured myself that it wasn’t “yoga” if I only did a 5 minute practice. “Yoga” to me before this training was at least an hour of hard core asanas (postures) with an opening, closing, and savanna (corpse pose). Now I just brush it off and know that my sitting on the couch first thing with my Bible and tea is my yoga. Rolling out my mat and simply sitting on it is my yoga. Baking cupcakes for my friends and family is my yoga. Even writing this blog post is my yoga.

#insidemybible
One of my first Bible journaling projects

Why???

Because it fulfills me. Because it is MY time. My practice is ME and whenever I am working on myself, I am doing my yoga.

Yoga is waaaayyyyy more than the physical postures, but that will definitely have to be another post because that is a shit ton of info to swallow.

I have also noticed that I have become more patient, less reactionary, and breath conscious.

Forget the physical transformation, which don’t get me wrong there is one. I can tolerate bridge pose now for example. But off the mat is really where my life and practice has changed.

And the best part?

I aint done yet! I will continue learning, relearning, and discovering new things about my practice and me as time goes on. After my training is finished, my students (even though I have already started teaching) will be my teacher.

Supported Handtand
My first actual handstand. Definitely on my bucket list!

I think the most important thing that yoga has taught me so far is that discomfort is temporary.

Plank pose after 30 seconds is a definite bitch, but the next 30 seconds are simply that, 30 seconds. Waiting in a long line at the store can be annoying but if I take a step back, breathe, and meditate, I can endure it. That line is temporary. My bouts of depression are temporary. Headaches are temporary. Living paycheck to paycheck is temporary. Life is temporary.

Namastay
Me attempting to get my foot over my head during an Instagram yoga challenge

So live in the moment. Even if it sucks. Because it’s fleeting and it has a lesson to teach us.

Namastè